A Once Beautiful Dream

dee

He’s ten years older than me. Too many experiences in life that made him who he is today. I more than admire his wits. Truly, those hardships that he’s been through during his younger years shaped his character well. No wonder he’s a great conversationalist. There’s no dull moment with him. We can talk about anything under the sun and I won’t be bone-tired, I find pleasure just by listening to him attentively.

Having a deep conversation with someone who has
a brilliant mind and a beautiful soul is a new way of making love.

I am mesmerized by his past adventures. Though they’re not good stuff, at least he’s able to break through its walls and free himself from self-destruction. I did my best to know the things that caught his interests so I can relate with him when we talk. I love the way he opens his mouth, the genuine smile on his face whenever he brags about something and the glow in his eyes.

Now, you already have an idea of why I fell for him. He’s good-looking alright, that’s a plus. Not only that, seventy-five percent of my life’s first times have been shared with him. Not to mention he fathered my precious possessions – my children.

He always sounds like a dictator to me. He’d always want everything done his own way. I know he’s right most of the time but can’t I have the freedom to do other things on my own? I knew I have too few good results with what I’m doing but at least I don’t screw things deliberately. 

He’s a thousand miles away. Though he’s physically absent, thoughts of him linger in my mind. Unfortunately, things are not always what they seem. He drifted away. His heart went astray. Our relationship nowadays is no longer built on love but memories and obligations. I tried to bring back the way we were but to no avail. I’m way past crying and even if I try, there are no more tears to shed. I’m left with a once beautiful dream that turned into a nightmare. I don’t want to let him go but I cannot do anything. People are going to do what they want to do when they want to do it. This is a fact, and I accepted it. I won’t force him to love me again. Surely I can wait, for how long, I don’t know. As long as I love him, maybe? With his cold treatments, I am beginning to lose hope. Chances of us getting back together is getting bleak each passing days, I’m afraid.

 

I may regret the things I did in anger, but never the things I did in love.

 

Weekly Quotes To Ponder 26

 

 

COUPLE

 

One of the greatest feelings one could ever feel in this world is to love and to be loved. A kind of love that is mutual and reciprocal. It takes two to tango, right?

But love is not always about feelings. As a matter of fact, it is a decision. You’ll know that you truly love someone when that person becomes difficult to deal with and yet you stayed. This reality is so harsh that others jump from one relationship to another. They kind of do trial and error to find the right one for them. I also did that before. But when you found a total stranger and you both clicked, then you can’t even pinpoint the things that you did love about him/her, you just feel secure and happy, then you just found the one.

Love is not always a bed of roses, sometimes you also have to lay on a bed of nails to know that it’s for real. – Meeh

What if the person who once loved you, doesn’t love you anymore? Would you still be willing to love that person whole-heartedly even if it hurts to see him/her slowly drifting away from you? Could you bear seeing him doing the things he did with you doing it with someone else now? Truly it’s hard to give without expecting anything in return especially when it comes to romantic love. But it happens. Unrequited love does exist.

 

okay

 

Well, I think it would be our own decision to still love someone who cannot love us in return. For me, it is one of the noblest and greatest sacrifices and it’s all worth it. We should always remember that it is better to give than to receive. To love others that don’t love us is an opportunity given by God. We’ll reap our rewards in His own time.

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? I would be delighted to read your comments. Have a wonderful week everyone!

 

 

A Captured Heart

lovely.jpgIn a mother’s heart
there grows a seed
of love that never dies.
& through that love
she gives her children
wings on which to rise

I used to be a free spirited person. I guess I still am, in some way. I have never known or have never been constrained by convention. Issues about life, problems and difficulties never bothered me back then. I always do the things that I think would make me happy. I’ve enjoyed my freedom a lot and I always decide on my own.

I am a risk-taker. I prefer to experience things first hand to realize its implications rather than listen and heed to the warnings of others. I tend to conceal my weakness by showing others how tough I can be when faced with life’s cruelties. Too few people knew how vulnerable I am. I created this facade to protect myself and to survive. I did survived. Then I thought life could be as simple as staying up all night, reading books or writing poems while looking at the bright night sky.

I am consumed by the world I created that when reality struck me, I am more than shocked. Something woke me up from my empty sleep. Someone taught me that there are far more important things to do in this life other than thinking of my own happiness, my own welfare.

children.jpgI still have my childish ways. Though I am already in my mid thirties, I still couldn’t convince myself that I am matured enough. I don’t even know the exact basis of maturity, to be honest. I never knew I could be capable of loving others unconditionally until I have my children. I’ve learned how to love without expecting anything in return. Seeing them living a good life, and hearing their laughter is more than enough antidote for stress. I couldn’t thank God enough for blessing me and entrusting me with these amazing creatures. Having them taught me to be considerate to others. That whatever decision I will make would greatly affect the people around me especially my loved ones.
I cannot be a perfect mother no matter how hard I try but one thing is for sure, I would do anything for my children’s sake even if it would cost me my own happiness.

 

The Best Is Yet To Come

I have never felt this exhausted. My energy have been drained from my body and I am more than immobile. My mind and my heart, drenched with pain, doubts and fear, they’re not functioning well. I can’t feel anything anymore. Just a sense of nothing. Ninety nine percent of my being wanted to go to oblivion. All I know now is I am floating in air. No heaviness. Chaos…

lonely

So this is how it feels to fall out of love for someone or something. You don’t give a damn. You don’t care what will happen next. You lost all the reasons to hold on, the reason to fight. You lost sense of direction. This is not good. This is not bad either. I think this is a dangerous combination. Perhaps, one of the most challenging and difficult test in this life.

How can I survive when my only reason for survival has long been gone? Here I am again, wanted to sound funny when in fact everything at this moment seems ridiculous.

Maybe some girls are not meant to be tamed.
Maybe they are supposed to run wild…
Until they find someone just as wild to run with

All my life, all I ever wanted was to love and to be loved. I never wanted fame or fortune. I am not a materialistic type. I can be happy with small things. I am not hard to please. I must admit I can be upset so easily, I am an impulsive type. I can just burst into tears or laugh at the top of my lungs. I can be as mad as hell and could swallow a whole person but I can forgive people easily and forget everything in one sitting. I know at times, I am not easy to understand but all of us do. Wouldn’t you agree?

I would love to go to a place where I could clear my mind and release all the burdens I have in my heart. Be at peace. But there are times when the more we ache for that to happen the more it becomes elusive. And the more it hurts, the more it becomes intolerable.

sunrise

I’d let things be for now. I am heartbroken, lonely, hurt, lost, and weak.  I’ll just let them celebrate their victory and laugh at my defeat. I need to gather every strength left in me. I need to buy more time. As long as God is still letting me breath, as long as I see the sunrise in the velvet sky, I know that the best is yet to come…

Find a heart that will love you
at your worst
and
arms that will hold you at
your weakest.

 

3Line Tales 29: Phony

Weave of lies
Concealed in your smile
Yet your eyes can’t disguise

tltweek33
photo by Philip Estrada

Simple and yet another intriguing photo prompt! Thank you Sonya of Only 100 Words blog for coming up with an amazing and enjoyable event every Thursday – Three Lining. I just can’t resist to partake. You may want to check out how it’s done by clicking here. I’d be delighted to read your entries. Good luck!

Sudden Twist

I once disclosed that I am not fond of pets and the only reason we have cats and a dog in the house is because of my children. Until now, it still holds true. However, something unexpected happened today. I never had a slightest thought, never ever dreamed of it. What transpired undeniably turned my world spinning and changed my perception of having pets forever.

 

DSC_0165.JPG

 

Sentimental fools are prone to emotional attachment so to speak. Maybe that’s the main reason I preferred not to have any pets. I must admit, I fear emotional attachment just as I fear it with someone I knew would leave me eventually. I cannot bear to see myself losing someone so dear. For me, it would be more than torture to face detachment.

My eyes is still swollen for I’ve cried the whole day. Seeing my son’s pet, Waffle (a Chihuahua) vomiting and excreting a bloody stool broke my heart into tiny pieces. Alarmed, I rushed the puppy in the nearby Veterinary Clinic. Suspected of Parvovirus the vet immediately administered antibiotics and an IV fluid for the puppy is almost dehydrated. He dispatched us with a prescription and taught me how to treat it at home. In about an hour after we arrived, there’s no sign that the medicine that has been given is taking into effect. The most horrifying part is seeing it gasping for breath as its life slowly extinguished. At that very moment, I am talking to the puppy as if I am talking to a real person. In the midst of every sob, asking it to fight for its life.

Mixed emotions enveloped me as I saw the puppy lying in rigor mortis – pain, regret, longing. It took me couple of minutes to think straight on what to do next. I decided not to wait for my first born son to arrive from school to bury his pet, I want him to remember Waffle as a playful and sweet companion not a sick and dead animal.

compassion

I felt these emotions before – when my father died. I never thought I would feel the same with just a pet. It’s hard for me to accept this fact. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this experience, it is what we call, compassion. This heart of mine, it may be too small in size but it can touch and hold so much. I am still heart broken, so is my son upon learning about what happened to his pet. It may take days to recuperate from the loss, but we’re not rushing things here. In time, it will come to pass but for now we’ll just let this feelings be. Cheers!

 

 

 

 

 

3Line Tales 27: Struck

Cupid’s bow pierced in my heart
Every detail of you tattooed in my mind
Adorned with silver bought with great price

tltweek31tattoos.jpg
photo by Alex Hockett

Cheers to another week of Three-Lining! I’m glad I did find time to partake. Too bad, I wasn’t able to join the activity last week.

For instructions, kindly click here. Better yet, visit Only 100 Words. It feels great to write and read brief and amazing tales. Have a wonderful day!

Love in a Mess

woman

Tantalizing eyes, sweet smile, touch that sends a shiver down her spine, and even the way his hair dance in the wind is more than enough to mesmerize her. His presence always makes her heart beat so fast, she could hardly catch her breath. Her vanity, flattered by his constant expressions of love, captured her whole being. She finally found her knight in a shining armor, her soulmate. No other man could reach her deepest thoughts nor touch her very soul but him. They shared something peculiar. They’ve been to places only real lovers could reach. These moments with him, are the moments she would want to seize. If they could only stay this way. Continue reading “Love in a Mess”

Weekly Quotes To Ponder 25

…there can be pride in vulnerability.
Honesty is maturity.
And really, it’s the things that did kill me,
that made me. – J. Raymond

We, humans have protective instincts. These gut feelings could help us dodge the things that may harm us. Because of this, we tend to wear a mask without being aware of it. This cruel world we live in, is always making us believe that admitting defeat is a sign of weakness. But that is not true! On the other hand, it is actually a sign of strength. Giving in is somewhat synonymous to being defeated. But the latter is a as fickle as the minds of those people who refuse to eat their pride and chose to harbor a grudge. These people would not know peace of mind and would always find it hard to find real happiness. I’d rather agree to disagree than to argue with a person who have a heart of stone and a closed mind. At the end of the day, it is me who let go of all the negative baggage inside me, ready to face another day with tranquility.

contI would always strive to be true to myself and to others. Even if I would have to show how vulnerable I am. For those things that hurt me, things that scared me, and killed me, are the things that made me a better person these days.

How about you? What are your thoughts about the quote above? I would be delighted to read your comments. Have a wonderful week to you all!

3Line Tales 25: Jack

Many times I”ve been fooled
And there’s no way, no other tool
But yours, could make my shattered life whole

tltweek28
photo by Ashim D’Silva

Here’s my take for this week’s Three Line Tales. For full instructions, kindly click here or visit Only 100 Words. Let’s have some fun writing and reading each other’s tales. Have a great day to all!