CHASING A PHANTOM

I need to knock some sense to myself. Not that I regret the things I did in the past two months. Gosh, those were one of the boldest and bravest I did in my life.  I don’t see anything wrong with getting out of my comfort zone and doing things beyond the ordinary to enjoy life. Genuine happiness is rare to come by in this cruel world, after all.

Most people nowadays misconstrued sex for happiness. I cannot blame them. It satisfies a man’s carnal nature but in a temporary way. But others still choose to do it because it is readily available with all these Social Media fevers not to mention Online Dating Sites. It is just a click, a message away to find another person who wants the same thing.

I am chasing a phantom for years. Where are you, my one bullet? You’ve wandered long enough, I need you so desperately. I long for your lingering embrace, sweet kisses, and a warm caress terribly. I’m dying to be with you and I’d do anything in my power to possess you.

A secret rendezvous of two people who crave for a sexual encounter, a person who abstained for so many years waiting for a lover abroad, or just a horny human being who just wants to release his pent up frustration for not having a partner and is so tired of doing a ‘selfie’ (masturbation). Believe me, the yearning seems unbearable each and every passing day especially when you entertain the thoughts and the feelings deep inside you. Truth be told, with more than six years of not having a man in my life, sometimes, I can’t help but wonder how it feels to make love again. I more than miss the masculine smell, the sound of steady breathing of someone I hold dear, the touch, and the knowledge that he is lying next to me. I can hold it no more, I think my mind will explode any minute now. I just want a man who will reciprocate my feelings. Someone who has the same level of passion that burns inside me. We could dance in harmony, our bodies intertwined, our soul combined while we reach the peak. That moment of ecstasy.

Talk about desperation. I came into a point in my life where I realized how badly I needed to be loved. I must admit that a man who will love me the way I love him will salvage me from all the heartaches and all the pains I’ve been through. Sadly, this man seems to be MIA (missing in action) until now. I hope and pray that he’ll show up soon and sweep me off my feet so I can be whole again.