Weekly Quotes To Ponder 54

 

EB6DE4EB-824C-4BDC-AC0E-38995E8E8708

 

When life gets hard and seems that the whole universe is conspiring to pin us down, it is by loving others that makes us feel alive. Loving can hurt sometimes and people’s perception of its real meaning depends mostly on experience and their personality. Simply put, what is a good food to one man can be a poison to others.

When I was in college, I couldn’t stand the pathetic spectacle of a woman banging her head against an impregnable wall. I hate seeing myself falling so damn hard into a man and he couldn’t care less. I’ve had my share of ups and downs, I wouldn’t say that I am totally invulnerable with petty mistakes but I could say that I am smarter now, more cautious, and quite in control.

I was able to maintain a safe flirtation with a man from another side of the world online. This kept us both insulated from real entanglements. It is his idea of a relationship where we enjoy what we have in the present, no feelings are hurt, and no emotions are at stake. And he is definitely, fooling himself or sad to say, taking advantage of my vulnerability.¬† And heck, I am allowing it. Sometimes I could be so stupid and stubborn. But who cares? I am happy. The attention he gives me, no matter how brief, no matter hollow, makes me smile and helps me face the day with the hope that the best is yet to come. Admit it, we all need something or someone to keep us from falling apart. And having his presence is what’s holding me up these days. Does this means, I cannot survive if he decides to let go of me? To be honest, it would be one of the greatest blow in my life if that happens. It would surely break my heart into tiny pieces. Still, I believe that I can get through it. Thank God.

These days, I no longer make a fuss or sensationalize things. I see things in a different light, I look at difficulties and heartaches in a positive point of view. It doesn’t make me feel totally good but it is helping. My two cents? Allow me to share it… maybe in God’s perfect time, this man will realize my worth or maybe God will remove him out of my life to make a way for another person who will truly love me. I don’t know what the future holds but I’m sure that God is seeing what I’m going through.

What are your thoughts about the quote above? It pans out, right? But am afraid most people won’t realize it until it’s too late. Until the person was gone. I could only hope that it will not be too late for him. That’s it for our ‘Weekly Quotes To Ponder’ moment. Enjoy reading!

 

 

My Monthly Memories: July 2019

I always dream because I do believe that when dreams are gone in this cruel world, it would be a very lonely place. To love and to be loved is my greatest dream. And at the age of 21, I’ve found it and eventually… lost it.

This would be my #mymonthlymemories post. Almost two weeks after August, and as usual, I’m late again. This monthly blogging event was hosted by a wonderful blogger named Basant She of The Socially Anxious Extrovert. You may want to take a peek at her blog and join this awesome blogging exercise every month. Just click here for instructions.

my-monthly-memories

I know that there were too few people who visit my blog these days. I cannot blame the numbers because I haven’t been that active in the past two years. Still, I am grateful to God Almighty because it is still thriving. I am even surprised that one of my most recent posts was mentioned and tagged almost two weeks ago. Check it out on this link. Simple gestures of acknowledgment and yet it made my day.

To wrap up what transpired last month – July. I must say that things are going slow but getting better every day. Our two firstborns; Erhyn – 17 and Marcus – 10 celebrated their birthday. As usual, no fancy restaurants, not a blast of a party just a simple food on the table and well wishes. I am so blessed to have children who know how to adjust themselves to any situations. I couldn’t thank God enough.

In the job department, I am still way shy of my ideal or target task. I only have one part-time Appointment Setting job for a Real Estate Investor based in Texas, US under Upwork platform and it barely sustains our daily needs. I am sending proposals any chance I get, few clients have reached out to me, but I haven’t found the job I sought for or at least a job that¬† I can showcase my skills and experience. I am optimistic, though. I know that in God’s perfect time, He will give me that job that is right for me. I will keep the faith.

D672A985-CB0F-41C9-9A9D-8FFCDD260FAC
One of the perks of working from home.

I can be a little scattered-brain at times. I tend to forget things even though it should be fresh in my memory since I only came across it minutes ago. I don’t want to think that this is a sign of early dementia. Oh my, I am only turning 39 next month. Heaven forbid! But mind you, when it comes to romanticism, I have a telegraphic memory. I think it is not surprising. I am a sentimental fool, after all.

This post will not end without me sharing the latest addition to my ‘Reading List’. If you are following this blog, you’ll notice that I am also into books. Reading crime thrillers, courtroom dramas, and psychological thrillers always heighten my mood, declutter my mind, and brings warmth to my heart. I have a list of favorite authors but last month I tried several writers who are new to me. Hoarding books is one of my guilty pleasures by the way.

 

And oh, before I forget, I have written another post last month entitled ‘UNREQUITED‘. I would be delighted if you’d check it. Just click this link. I look forward to a fabulous August.

UNREQUITED

IMG_8891.PNG

 

I know that feeling envious to others is not good for my mental and emotional health but sometimes I can’t help it. I used to have a sunny disposition, an easy-going way with life. Most of the time, I take matters with a pinch of salt. But with all the heartaches, disappointments, and failures I’ve been through, the past shaped me into a different person. I am now wary of having an intimate relationship with others, leery to invest time and emotion.

Yet, deep down I still believe that someday, somehow, someone will come along who will not be intimidated with the kind of love I can offer. A man who can speak my language so I don’t have to interpret my soul. When that happens, the past wouldn’t matter. None of it would. I am turning 39 this September, and the vision of that waiting serenity still swam through me as comfort from time to time, but with the treatment of the man who’s nearest in my heart these days – his silence that hurts me more than his words, at 38, I feel crushed.

IMG_8674

I know that if I decide to leave him be, what happened between us, no matter how overwhelming and vivid it may seem to me at the moment, will recede in time, its contours will be lost in the murk of memory. Apparently, this is the best course of action. I cannot force someone to love me back and vice versa. Still, the thought of not having his presence in my life these days appalled me. I am loving the attention, no matter how little he can give me. Besides, I can’t deny the fact that he’s one of the reasons why I smile these days. He is a paradox. He set a boundary between us right from the start and yet he oftentimes crosses it. He said we’re just friends but we do things that only lovers do. Then there were times, he acts like I don’t exist at all. Like I’m some kind of scenery that he passes by. It is really breaking me and killing me softly.

So, here I am. Lost and eagerly waiting to be found. I don’t need a knight in shining armor, I can save myself. I just want a man who will reciprocate my feelings. I know that I can never be too much or too difficult for a man who’s into me. I am certain that the right man will do anything to keep me. Well, that answers it, right?