He used to tell me, I am an irresponsible mother and housekeeper because the house is oftentimes messy if not always. At times, the pile of clothes to be folded had been sitting on the sofa for three days, and the dishes would be waiting the whole day before I could even wash them. But what upsets him most is the fact that I don’t make notes let alone follow a timeline for the day to at least try to be as organized as possible. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, maybe these things might be one of the reasons why his fondness of me have waned as the years gone by.
I know, I am not a wife or even a mother material. I haven’t seen this coming when I was still single. Until now, I still find it hard to believe or convince myself that I am stuck to being a single mother. Single mother – yes! You’ve read it right. The father of my children decided to abandon us for his own good. I wonder how he’s able to sleep at night knowing that he strips off his children of their rights. I won’t deny that I badly needed financial support from him but I am more concerned about emotional support (I don’t care if he would buy this) like some kind of a father-children relationship. I don’t know if I am overreacting. I always try not to sensationalize or overthink, I understand that worrying won’t do me any good. And as far as I know (based on my own observation), my children seem not to give a damn or make a fuss about our present situation. Maybe because the change has been gradual. It all started from us living under the same roof but acting more like roommates rather than husband and wife. The memory of our arguments those days are so vivid I could always tell that the man acted like I am some kind of enemy to be annihilated rather than a partner to be given a chance to amend for a wrongdoing. He could deny this but that’s how he made me feel back then.
I would be lying if I say that I am completely free and happy without him in our lives but I could certainly and could even shout out to the world, that I am totally at peace these days. The emotional burden that I’ve carried for years when I was with him, the psychological torture that rendered me immobile has been lifted as soon as he decided to let go of me. I can’t thank God enough.
I used to believe that he is my compass. That if I lose him, I would lose my sense of direction, my reason for living. When I think about it these days, I am having mixed emotions. I might have been a fool or something but I know and I strongly believe that I had been in love. People say that love is blind, it’s not. It’s the lovers, not the love. Love is uncaring in a way that there are no requirements or standards, wouldn’t you agree? I guess people are just hopeful searchers, eager to give, eager to have their tender passion reciprocated. They just wanted to love and be loved in return. This sounds so simple. So right. But so melancholic in its purest form because of its rarity.
That’s it for our 50th Weekly Quotes To Ponder. What are your thoughts about the quote from the novel? Have you experienced that feeling at one point in your life? The longing, the unnamed desire? I’d be glad to read your comments.
erhynireh 