A Once Beautiful Dream

dee

He’s ten years older than me. Too many experiences in life that made him who he is today. I more than admire his wits. Truly, those hardships that he’s been through during his younger years shaped his character well. No wonder he’s a great conversationalist. There’s no dull moment with him. We can talk about anything under the sun and I won’t be bone-tired, I find pleasure just by listening to him attentively.

Having a deep conversation with someone who has
a brilliant mind and a beautiful soul is a new way of making love.

I am mesmerized by his past adventures. Though they’re not good stuff, at least he’s able to break through its walls and free himself from self-destruction. I did my best to know the things that caught his interests so I can relate with him when we talk. I love the way he opens his mouth, the genuine smile on his face whenever he brags about something and the glow in his eyes.

Now, you already have an idea of why I fell for him. He’s good-looking alright, that’s a plus. Not only that, seventy-five percent of my life’s first times have been shared with him. Not to mention he fathered my precious possessions – my children.

He always sounds like a dictator to me. He’d always want everything done his own way. I know he’s right most of the time but can’t I have the freedom to do other things on my own? I knew I have too few good results with what I’m doing but at least I don’t screw things deliberately. 

He’s a thousand miles away. Though he’s physically absent, thoughts of him linger in my mind. Unfortunately, things are not always what they seem. He drifted away. His heart went astray. Our relationship nowadays is no longer built on love but memories and obligations. I tried to bring back the way we were but to no avail. I’m way past crying and even if I try, there are no more tears to shed. I’m left with a once beautiful dream that turned into a nightmare. I don’t want to let him go but I cannot do anything. People are going to do what they want to do when they want to do it. This is a fact, and I accepted it. I won’t force him to love me again. Surely I can wait, for how long, I don’t know. As long as I love him, maybe? With his cold treatments, I am beginning to lose hope. Chances of us getting back together is getting bleak each passing days, I’m afraid.

 

I may regret the things I did in anger, but never the things I did in love.

 

Living In The Present

There are moments when I am more than eager to write down exactly what or how I feel but somehow, I can’t lift my fingers to type in my keyboard. My eyes, transfixed in front of my desktop, trying so hard to spill the words to release the heaviness in my chest. I would find myself staring in blank space for hours. It seems there are no appropriate words to describe the emotions that consume my whole being. I thought I cannot get out of that emotional roller coaster ride yesterday. Thank God it’s over! I’m back on my feet and ready to face this day.

 

today1

 

Today, I decided to do what I can, with what I have and what I know, where I am and that’s enough. 

Yes, you’ve read it right. This very present is my truth at the moment! I am now doing the laundry while cleaning the house and cooking our breakfast and lunch. I’m doing all these things with enthusiasm. I don’t want to lose my momentum. Every once in a while I am attending my hyperactive two-year-old son. I never enjoyed mommy duties other than having a bonding time with my adorable children.

 

yuyu

 

What I enjoyed the most is watching Anime series with them while eating. Yu Yu Hakusho is one of our favorites. I love everything about it – the plot, the characters, and the story as a whole. If you’d like to watch it, you can click here. If you’re into anime thing, I’m sure you’d enjoy it. Have a nice day to us all!