I have never felt this exhausted. My energy have been drained from my body and I am more than immobile. My mind and my heart, drenched with pain, doubts and fear, they’re not functioning well. I can’t feel anything anymore. Just a sense of nothing. Ninety nine percent of my being wanted to go to oblivion. All I know now is I am floating in air. No heaviness. Chaos…
So this is how it feels to fall out of love for someone or something. You don’t give a damn. You don’t care what will happen next. You lost all the reasons to hold on, the reason to fight. You lost sense of direction. This is not good. This is not bad either. I think this is a dangerous combination. Perhaps, one of the most challenging and difficult test in this life.
How can I survive when my only reason for survival has long been gone? Here I am again, wanted to sound funny when in fact everything at this moment seems ridiculous.
Maybe some girls are not meant to be tamed.
Maybe they are supposed to run wild…
Until they find someone just as wild to run with
All my life, all I ever wanted was to love and to be loved. I never wanted fame or fortune. I am not a materialistic type. I can be happy with small things. I am not hard to please. I must admit I can be upset so easily, I am an impulsive type. I can just burst into tears or laugh at the top of my lungs. I can be as mad as hell and could swallow a whole person but I can forgive people easily and forget everything in one sitting. I know at times, I am not easy to understand but all of us do. Wouldn’t you agree?
I would love to go to a place where I could clear my mind and release all the burdens I have in my heart. Be at peace. But there are times when the more we ache for that to happen the more it becomes elusive. And the more it hurts, the more it becomes intolerable.
I’d let things be for now. I am heartbroken, lonely, hurt, lost, and weak. I’ll just let them celebrate their victory and laugh at my defeat. I need to gather every strength left in me. I need to buy more time. As long as God is still letting me breath, as long as I see the sunrise in the velvet sky, I know that the best is yet to come…
Find a heart that will love you
at your worst
arms that will hold you at