Pretending is not my cup of tea. Showing others that I’m fine and happy when I am not is one hell of a struggle. There were even times when my eyes cannot disguise what I really feel inside. But what can I do when the only choice I have is to be strong, not only for myself but more for my children?
I have been neglected several times, belittled, never appreciated, always blamed. Worst of all, it came from someone so dear. I never thought this person would be a prisoner of my past mistakes. If I only knew that he is a resentment-filled brute, I will never commit that mistake in the first place. If only I could turn back time…
Pointing fingers, name calling…I always try to get used to it but failed. I cannot swallow the cussing no matter how hard I try. To hold my tears when it is about to flow, to remain standing when my knees is turning into jelly, to keep my sanity in the midst of a crazy event, and to maintain my composure when all I want to do is shout at the top of my lungs to let go of all the pain is more than an ordeal.
I cannot thank God enough. I owe it to His loving-kindness, His help and mercy that I am still here wearing a smile in my face in spite of the fact that I am wrecked inside. In Him I have high hopes and I believe that time is on my side.
Once again, the best is yet to come!