My Monthly Memories: March 2019

SWINGS

I’ve been having mood swings these past few days and this is getting ridiculous. Like, I am so happy then after a minute or two would be sad, or angry, or pissed, then laughing or crying. I can’t even understand myself anymore. I have a volatile nature but I’ve never had this kind of sudden change of moods in a very long time. No wonder there are few people who can put up with me and dang! I highly appreciate them.

I just had two cups of Coffee Bean brand 3 in 1 coffee in the span of three hours while figuring out on how to deal with this kind of feelings in a positive and productive way. I attempted to log in to my part time job to divert my attention but to no avail. I also tried to listen to music or read a book, but still unable to brush aside such mixed emotions.

I decided to write. Yes, write. Writing is one of my outlets. It is more than self-expression, it is actually a way of detoxifying my mind, getting rid of the burdens in my heart. Thus, helping me balance my moods.

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This post is in response to a monthly blogging event called #mymonthlymemories hosted by a gorgeous blogger, Basant She. You may want to check out her blog entitled – The Socially Anxious Extrovert and if you want to join us, please click here. I find reading people’s memorable experiences refreshing and invigorating.

Talk about what happened last month. Oh, I could describe March as a busier, nastier, and wackier month this year, so far. Now, I am smiling from ear to ear. My heart is full, my mind is a bit twisted. But my soul…is adrift in a stream of doubt and fear. I am happy but I am also sad and a bit anxious. I can’t help feeling this way.

My other work from home job which is am afraid, my main source of income is drifting away. We’ve been forced to a halt for one week now and as of this writing, I am not even sure if there is still work to go back to. Out client is so silent, it’s deafening. I am perceptive but I also hate to assume. I asked him indirectly but he just read my private message and haven’t had any response until now. I can’t help but think that maybe this is his way of telling us to find an alternative job or worst, to prepare us for the inevitable. Still, I am keeping the faith. God makes things work for those who put their trust in Him and who acknowledges His mercy and loving-kindness.

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Blessings? I lost count, actually. Our youngest turned 5 on March 14th. No fancy celebration, no crowd, no show offs. Believe me, my children prefer this kind of thing. I just bought a cake, a box of their favorite pizza, and 1.5 liter of Royal True Orange. But of course, a present for the birthday celebrant which is a Nerf Gun with small cars as ammunition. Looking back on how delighted my youngest upon getting his birthday present still puts a smile on my face and still brings warmth in my heart. Truly, God has a way of teaching us to be humble, that even small things could still bring so much happiness.

 

On the 27th of March, our second princess, graduated in primary level. Thank God, despite of our ill feelings for each other, the father of my children still managed to take part on this memorable event. He called via Skype to greet his daughter and she couldn’t be happier. She’s a Daddy’s girl anyway.

BATCH

Whoa! This must be the longest post that I’ve had this year. Allow me to add the happiness I have in being able to finish my DIY Hanging Bookshelves before saying hello to April.

BOOKHANG

This is all about March. Cheers to another promising month this April, God’s willing. I am a little calm now. Thank God for the opportunity to partake in this writing exercise. May we all find and do things that makes us happy to be alive.

My Monthly Memories: February 2019

It’s past February! Whew, I didn’t even noticed. Well, not until my monthly bills came rushing at my door, lol.

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Time to deal with #mymonthlymemories post. Thank God! Last month turned out to be better than January. I still have a few things to share here when it comes to blogging. I only managed to join a Weekly Blogging Event just once entitled I Write Her Weekly Haiku Challenge hosted by Susi. You may want to check out my entry here.

Is there such a thing as selective memory? Like, we can choose whatever memories we just wanted to hold on to? I’m afraid this is not possible because whenever we encounter things or situations, it triggers us to look back, sometimes we don’t recognize it, but it’s there. Nostalgia is so powerful that it bothers us even in our dreams sometimes. By the way, this is in response to a monthly blogging event hosted by Basant She of The Socially Anxious Extrovert

If you want to join us, please click here. This is always fun.

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I consider myself a sentimental fool but there are few instances when I hate to look back. There are hurts and pains so unbearable that I wanted to just forget and move on. I could tell people that I finally accepted my fate and I’m moving on. I’m sure most of them if not all will be convinced. But truth be told, I cannot lie to myself. At times like this, I beat myself with doing so many things in the house until I am exhausted and pass out eventually. But don’t get me wrong, I don’t do things negatively. On the contrary, I turn my frustrations into positive things.

The photo above is a work in progress. I love reading books. Hoarding books is one of my passions. It is one of the things that makes me feel happy to be alive. And because of that, I have a large number of books. Since I cannot afford to buy a cabinet or bookshelves yet, I figured, why not do it myself? The artist in me shows up from time to time whenever I feel moody and down. I believe this is much better than to cry in my room and wallow in self-pity, right? Besides, giving up is not an option for me. God entrusted me with four adorable creatures and I cannot afford to be disabled and useless. People say that there are so many choices we have to make in this life, but the truth is… it can be summarized with this statement:

There are just three main choices in life; give up, give in, or give it all you’ve got!

Here’s hoping for a fabulous March since this is our youngest’ birth month. I am grateful to God because he is turning five years old this coming 14th, God’s willing. We’re all excited!

 

HOPE

Murky, distant, future – hold still
Steel – Pierced in my heart
An emblem of a strong will!

 

Emblem
Photo by: PMU

 

I enjoyed writing this Three Liner out of an intriguing photo prompt. I am so glad to be able to, in spite of my busy schedule. Thank you, Susi of IWriteHer blog for coming up with this awesome weekly poetry exercise.

For instructions, please click here. Have a wonderful week to all!

My Monthly Memories: JANUARY 2K19

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Hello people in blog-o-sphere! It’s been awhile now that I haven’t been able to write in my blog. I hate it when I am just doing something for the sake of doing it. I am a kind of person who can do well when I am on fire. This post is in response to a monthly blogging event called #mymonthlymemories hosted by a gorgeous blogger Basant She of The Socially Anxious Extrovert. I’ve been taking part of this since 2016 and I find pleasure in doing so, as always. Nostalgia is but a part of my everyday life. I cannot even remember a day when I did not look back and savor a memory. Hence, I called myself a sentimental fool. You may want to join us, please click this link here.

And oh, the very last entry that I have here in my blog was last October 2018. It is a three-liner entitled ‘Still Waters‘. I nailed down another homebased job as an email customer support for an E-commerce company the same month and I haven’t had the time to write until now. Imagine a single mother of four, having two regular work from home jobs, with dozens of household chores to attend to, surely, time management is but a challenge.  Thank God, with His mercy and grace we are surviving.

I love those random memories that make me smile; 
no matter what’s going on in my life right now.

I don’t have much to look back last January in regards to my blog but I could share a couple of things that happened last month that I believe worth sharing here. First off, I am relieved because the father of my children is connecting with them again. As I have mentioned in one of my posts last year, my love for my children is big enough for me to set aside whatever ill feelings I have for this man. My children’s happiness and welfare is more important than my own.

 

I am also enjoying the freedom of hoarding books these days. I really cannot resist the urge of buying books that I find interesting. I’m afraid I need another cabinet. Reading is one of my hobbies. It is one way for me to detoxify my mind. Escaping reality at times is not a bad thing, right? If only we could read two books all at the same time, lol.

I could tell that last month is not so great but at least it’s not bad. I look forward to a promising February, though and I can’t wait to share it here. May we all continue to look at things in a positive perspective and hold on to the hope that the best is yet to come.

3Line Tales 56: Still Waters

TLT56
photo by:  Ty Feague

Her laughter, most shallow.
Such incorrigible being
An inconsolable soul…

This is one of the most intriguing and most challenging of photos that I have to stretch my mind a little than normal to give justice to my take. Well, this is some kind of weekly mind exercise for me. Cheers to  Three-Lining! and thank’s to Sonya of Only 100 Words for hosting such a wonderful blogging event.

It has always been a pleasure to partake and read all of my fellow bloggers take on the prompts. To join the fun, kindly click here.

Weekly Quotes To Ponder 52

 

Soul.jpgSolitude is no stranger to me. It has been my constant companion since time immemorial. As soon as I’ve learned how to read (at age 6) I never really rely on others. My mom once shared with my younger siblings (I am the eldest) that even though I am struggling with my homework when I was in grade school, I refused to let them help me or teach me. I’d rather find the answer or solution on my own. I always feel a sense of fulfillment and empowerment whenever I succeed.

And when I was in college, I emanate a dominant aura that other students find intimidating. There were dozens of admirers and detractors alike. I was not bothered by that back then. I have very few friends. That is because I am also straightforward, blunt, brutal at times. I have a very low tolerance for fake people. I could easily smell their stench from afar. I’d rather have one true friend than be with a dozen who are fakes.

DOLL

Too few, if there is any, have an idea that creating an impression of having a strong personality is but some kind of camouflage for me. Truth be told, I don’t want people to see any weakness in me. I don’t want them to use it to their advantage and bring me down. Deep inside, I recognize my fears, my vulnerability as well. I also know that there’s a part of me that longs for someone to be my hero. That there’s someone out there who could see the real me and would rescue me from myself. Someone who could fill the void inside.

It is not the solitude that is killing me softly, don’t misunderstand. I am not selfish nor narcissistic. It is the loneliness, the feelings of being abandoned. The ugly truth, that harsh reality of not having someone who truly cares. I am not being pessimistic either, I am just being real. In the course of my lifetime, I’m afraid it’s very rare to find people who genuinely care for others. Most people’s mentality is that what they can get from the relationship, what is it for them. But this doesn’t stop me from caring. I think it still depends on the individual. If it runs in your blood that you are one caring person, you don’t have to force yourself, it will just show naturally.

How about you? What are your thoughts about this? I’d be glad to read your comments. Thank, God I was able to write my 52nd Weekly Quotes To Ponder post.

3LineTales 55: Wistful

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Thrown away, forgotten.
Forever waiting, panting,
Yearning for you to find my way…

 

Here’s my take for this week’s Three-Lining. I should have done this yesterday but I am preoccupied with a lot of household chores. Thank you, Sonya, of Only 100 Words for this brilliant weekly blogging exercise. For full details, kindly click here.

Time to read and engage with my fellow bloggers.